The Isle of Many Names

Corellon's Folly

The intrepid adventurers of Team SHAG arrived in a Corellon’s Folly hardened and besieged by a long, gruesome war with the nearby forest’s fey inhabitants over land and logging rights. Arjhan’s plan to cross through the forest with his caravan seemed impossible now, given that the forest he wished to cross is now a war zone. Also, given that SHAG’s members include an elf, a shifter druid, and a wilden, the party felt less than welcome.

So when Rowena stumbled upon a traitorous soldier with a possible plot to sabotage the Corellon’s Folly war effort that would win them the service of a local fey guide that could lead them through the forest, the team jumped at the chance.

And what a chance it was! Grendl, our wilden rogue, was tasked with sneaking into a castle packed with racist guards. She could not hope to succeed by stealth alone. Tyffani entreated a well connected yet perverse halfling merchant named Higgins to reveal that secret passages leading inside the castle walls could be found in almost every temple in the city. Kyran managed, with no small degree of deception, to convince a local cleric of Pelor to allow them use of their passage.

Once inside, Grendl and Rambolina snuck over the castle wall. As they were nearing a high window leading into the castle’s interior, Grendl and Rambolina were captured by guards.

Rorick also tried to sneak inside. In a way, he succeeded. Mostly he failed: he is less than light footed even when he isn’t wearing scale mail. Though, when he was caught by the guards, he impersonated a drunk guard claiming to have lost his halberd. They escorted him to the beds in the barracks. When word of his companion’s capture reached Rorick, he issued a rousing speach that drove the guards out into the night to sate their bloodlust. When everyone had left, Rorick made off with disguises for the rest of his companions, in hopes of staging an escape attempt.

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Three Traps

After Rorick washed up on shore (with a great big smile on his face: having rather enjoyed engaging the ocean directly, he seemed to have mistaken the tidal wave for a roller coaster), SHAG set off back towards the unnamed farming village. During the night, they were assaulted by a horde of wild animals! Wolves! Giant spiders! Giant bunnies! Random birds! This absurd combination of enraged animals nearly felled Tyffani, Kyran, and Rowena. The dragonslayers of the unnamed hills! Sole survivors of the Portton calamity! Nearly felled by the combined efforts of a bird, two bugs, a dog, and a rabbit! Something had to be done.

It was determined that someone burned a Beast Lure, an alchemical mixture meant to attract animals with a maddening odor, in the camp’s fire. The hireling who built the fire dragged from his bed, but he turned out to be a milksop incapable of even shielding himself from Rorick’s blows without soiling himself, never mind try to kill them. Rambolina noted tracks left by an unknown person leaving the camp, leading to the unnamed farming village. Upon learning that an attempt had been made on his life, Arjhan decided to pay SHAG in advance with some magic armaments he had acquired.

Upon arrival, the party noted that the townspeople acted strangely: only the bartender at the local inn and tavern seemed his usual self. SHAG did not let this bother them: Rorick worked into the wee hours on his dragonscale armor, Kyran and Tyffani questioned the townsfolk about their assassins, and Rowena and Grendl stole some equipment from the local general store and left it by the caravan. Afterwards, everyone turned in for the night.

Most of the team sat down for breakfast with Arjhan and the vagrant lawyer to discuss their new contract. The lawyer seemed terrified as he passed a secret message to the team: that Arjhan is wanted for theft in Ilsensine, that a bounty was placed upon his head, and that the entire town had conspired with some bounty hunters to capture or kill Arjhan. The lawyer tried to convince our noble SHAGsmen to abandon their employer, but SHAG remained loyal. They decided to leave before they were ambushed by the bounty hunters, only to realize that the ambush had already begun.

The cook had spiced their eggs WITH POISON! Rorick and Kyran were frozen in place by the toxin, at which point the mercenaries struck. A fearsome undead warrior, appearing at first to be a drunk, swung his Greataxe. The invisibility spell that hid the hobgoblin war wizard broke as it fired a lightning bolt at our heroes (perhaps the wizard used magic to disguise himself to drop the Beast Lure into the fire?). A lizardfolk poison wizard popped out of the kitchen and strengthened the poison in their veins with his magic. The lawyer’s dread was comprehended as his shadow then latched onto Rorick and began attacking him. After a deadly, terrible battle, those four bounty hunters were slain. The group tried to save Arjhan from the poison he had imbibed. Rorick intended to do harm to the bartender who served their food, only to find that someone had done the job for them: during the battle, someone killed the barkeep and shoved his body behind a gigantic novelty cask of ale.

After Arjhan and the vagrant lawyer delivered some exposition and foreshadowing, Arjhan got to work on taking revenge against the town’s leaders and instating the dwarven lord Kavalar as mayor and sheriff of the unnamed farming village.

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Last of the Port Towns

So the adventurers arrived in Portton, ready to get some well earned personal time: Rorick went to find a smithy where he could forge some scale mail out of the skin of a white dragon, Kyran sought out a church to train and pray at, Rambolina and Tyffani relaxed by the beach before heading into town looking for a party, all while Rowena and Grendl sought to “procure” some equipment.

Kyran found a friend in Christopher, the sole priest in Portton’s “Temple of the Sun.” They spoke over dinner about a burial mound that Christopher and his colleage had reason to believe was being defiled by necromancers. After dinner, he and Christopher head to an entrance to the mound, to prepare a ritual that will sanctify the mound.

Meanwhile, Grendl offered Rowena a bottle of vodka if she would hit on a local shopkeeper while she snuck into his storeroom to steal some crossbow bolts. She also found thieves’ tools, which seemed fortuitous. Afterwards, Rowena and Grendl dove headlong into a battle with their own livers. The bloodshed occurred in the Lucky Gnome Taphouse, amidst the rehearsal dinner for the wedding of two pirate captains.

Rambolina joined Tyffani on her trek to the beach. They meditated, soaked in the calmness, before heading into town to find a boisterous party. They, too found the Lucky Gnome. It is there that Tyffani had a premonition: that, by the time the day was done, the small city of Portton would be swallowed up by the sea. Just then, news of one captain’s betrayal of the other reaching the Lucky Gnome. A massive barfight broke out, with the majority of Team SHAG caught in the middle. They escaped the bar, and went looking for Kyran, hoping to escape before they were eaten by the ocean.

Christopher took Kyran to the burial mound to help fellow cleric Pelonius to complete the ritual. Kyran quickly deduced that this ritual was not all that it seemed. The ritual was actually to raise the long dead St. Viticus from the grave. When Kyran saw that the ritual required human sacrifice, he began to question this endeavor. His questions raised doubts in Christopher’s mind as well. It was soon revealed that Pelonius had died long ago, and an imp had possessed him. The imp was vanquished, but not nearly soon enough to save them from the tidal wave. Water was rushing in to the burial mound, and the only escape route was further into the caves.

SHAG went to the Temple of the Sun to search for clues as to Kyran’s whereabouts to find it has been ransacked, robbed completely of any valuables. What they did find led them to the formal entrance to Portton’s burial mound, in the bottom floor of the Raven Queen’s temple. They rushed to the temple to beg entry, only to find that it, too, had been ransacked, and it’s priests all murdered. They found the cave entrance and navigated its tunnels, eventually finding Kyran and Christopher in the flooding collapsing tunnels. They grabbed him, and hauled ass out of the Portton. Arjhan and his hirelings were just outside the town, watching the destruction. Arjhan’s caravan had expanded greatly, to 15 carts instead of eight, and all were locked tight. He said he would need their services again, this time to bring his caravan all the way across the Isle, to the Ilsensine territory of Mennzoberanzen.

The whereabouts of Rorick are unknown. Images of him, pounding away on some scale mail, on an anvil, while riding the waves of the flood were entertained, but that is all.

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There Will Be Dragons

Last we left our heroes, they toiled, risked life and limb in a den of kobolds, only to find that it was the lair of a fearsome dragon. “Leave now! And I will spare your lives!” he growled, and the adventurers, having heard legends of dragons sweeping down from mountain lairs to raze cities and lay low whole armies, the adventurers heeded. The kobold who stole their employers valuables cackled in delight as his pursuers fled. His joy would be short lived, and so would he!

Our heroes left, but impeded the only avenue for escape from the lair and made camp just outside of it. Watch was held, though none saw the last kobold raiding party stalking the adventurers, waiting for the right time to strike.

At dawn, Team SHAG descended upon the dragon and his kobold minions. The kobolds moved to flanking positions while keeping themselves spread out, knowing full well that their dragon master would not hesitate to catch them in his icy dragon breath if it meant also felling our heroes. The dragon breath disabled two of the heroes, and after a solid beating by the kobold thief and his companions, Rorick swore that another blast from the white dragon would surely kill him. The adventurers had to act quickly.

The whole party focused their efforts on the dragon. It was lucky that they did: the dragon was rearing back its head and filling its lungs just as the killing blow landed. Once the dragon was dead, the kobold thief ran. Tyffani, looking to settle a grudge, chased the bastard through the hallways, and nearly fell prey to the kobold raiding party’s ambush. They killed the thief, and though Rowena nearly died in the attempt, the raiding party was also dispatched. Team SHAG was victorious.

SHAG looted the dragon’s hoard. They found a lot of money, which is always good, and also a pair of Wavestrider boots: magic boots that allow you to walk on liquids as if they were solid ground. The group also stumbled upon the dragon’s prisoners: Kavalar Copperknight and what was left of his mining party. SHAG freed the prisoners and offered food and transport to Portton.

The group split up in Portton, to pursue their individual interests and to enjoy some much needed downtime before the next adventure. I’m sure it will be very relaxing and completely without interruption.

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And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead Kobolds
"That fight was relatively easy!" or "Let's kill these bastards!"

The adventuring party known as Team SHAG (Sloppy-Headed Adventuring Group) chased the kobold that ran off with their employer’s goods into the dark of night. They come upon the kobold’s home: a seemingly abandoned dwarven mine. The adventurers tear through the guards at the mine’s opening, slaying them all with little more than bruises and sticky clothing to show for it. The next set of guards would prove more difficult.

Rowena and Rambolina easily spotted the kobold’s poor attempt at an ambush within what was formerly a grand hall designed to honor the ancestors of the previous owner. The kobolds pulled numerous paltry tricks that did little but annoy the heroes. It wasn’t until they were able to swarm Tyffani, using manipulative tactics which nearly led to her death. Kyran of Pelor dragged her back from the precipice, and the party got their vengeance soon thereafter, but this brush with death may merely be the foreshadowing of future events.

After the second group of kobolds were dispatched, Team SHAG made their way to the audience chamber. When they entered, they saw numerous kobolds with swords at the ready, and behind them a pile of gold upon a dwarven stonework throne. Perched atop this pile of coin and treasure, was a white dragon!

Upon seeing the dragon, Rorick, deadly warrior of the northern wastes, said “I’m gone.”

Will the adventurers push forth, slay the dragon and return with their employer’s goods, weighted down with treasures of their own? Or will they return to tell their employer that he can shove his contract up his own ass because Fuck That there’s a dragon in there? Stay tuned for next Saturday’s adventure: There Will Be Dragons!

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And So The Legend Begins
"I'm in a well."

Presumably, after a night of untold drunken debauchery in an (also presumably) otherwise quiet agrarian village, six travelers who, upon meeting for (possibly) the first time in a local tavern, elected to form the “Sloppy Headed Adventuring Group,” apparently of their own free will, in order to pursue mutually beneficial mercenary and expeditionary operations. Luckily, a vagrant lawyer (apparently) was available, not only to write up the necessary paperwork to bind them in perpetuity to one another, but also to write up the contract for their group’s first gig as caravan escorts for the merchant Arjhan Donaar, who also happened to be drinking at the local tavern at the time. The terms were not terrible.

We must assume a great deal about the story of Team SHAG’s formation, as no one present seems to be able to remember what happened that night, such was the drunken chaos that (again, presumably) spawned it. We know that:

1)Grendl awoke in a well. She groped for handholds, ascended the wall with ease, and said to herself “Hair of the Dog!” and returned to the local tavern. She shot tequila and broke bread with her new employer, when Rambolina entered.

2) Rambolina awoke amongst horses in a local stable, bereft of trousers. She awoke to the sound of the stable owner informing the sheriff of her intrusion. She hopped on a horse, grabbed her trousers from their perch atop the door to another stall, and rode off. She did not wait until the horse had stopped moving to dress herself, she did it as she rode. Then, when the mid morning sun conspired with her hangover to do her discomfort, she removed her trousers, again while riding, and affixed them to her head, so that their shade might bring her comfort. She, too, made her way towards the inn, where she had eggs and drank tequila with Grendl.

3) Kyran, noble paladin of Pelor, awoke in jail with no knowledge of how he arrived there. The sheriff arrived soon after he woke, but when Kyran asked him why he had been imprisoned, the sheriff could not recall, for the sheriff was also very drunk last night. What the sheriff did know was that the vagrant lawyer imprisoned next to him never lost his memory due to drunkenness. The sheriff woke him by hurling his stick at him and, after much arguing, Kyran tricked the lawyer into revealing that the keys were swallowed by the sheriff in the night, and then coerced the sheriff to expel the keys. Once Kyran was free, he donned his plate mail and exited the sheriff’s office amid yelling and slurred insults. He elected to return to the bar, joining his comrades in breakfast. He decision not to drink tequila in the morning caused his comrades to question his manhood, though he remained resolute.

4) Rorick awoke beneath a wife whose very existence he could not recall before that morning, whose husband was sleeping next to her. He extricated himself nimbly, nay, with a degree of grace practically unheard of amongst his people. Naturally, he returned to the bar.

5) Tyffani awoke beneath a large statue of Pelor, which somehow toppled onto her in the night. With some effort, she moved the statue, escaping in time to be able to convincingly lie to the healer/priest who lived in the small worship area, before heading to the sheriff’s office to inquire about the previous night. There she found the lawyer, who informed her of her new found position within the Sloppy-Headed Adventuring Group, and their current assignment. In thanks for his services, she agreed to physically transport the vagrant lawyer to the bar.

6) Mysteriously, Rowena passed out inside a gigantic, sealed barrel of ale. After much pounding, smashing, and drinking, the cask was shattered, and she rode a wave of ale to freedom. Then, as was sensible, she led half of the adventuring party to a nearby stream to bathe.

Once the fabled Team SHAG had done what they could to recover from the previous night, they set out to Porton, as per their contractual obligation. It was nearly evening when they were beset by kobolds hurling javelins at them. They dove upon the bandits, only to realize it was a ruse when they saw numerous other kobolds running away with the goods as they battled. All the kobolds were dispatched save one, who had absconded with jewelry and some sort of magic potion.

Now, as the dark of night looms, the adventurers race after the thief, in hopes of recovering the stolen goods.

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